November 19th, 2013

Gratitude And Graciousness

By Manduka Ambassador, Dana Damara

Twelve years ago, I stepped on my yoga mat for the first time. Ten years ago I became a yoga teacher. Nine years ago I was officially a mother of two. Five years ago I woke up to what yoga really meant. Three years ago I left my marriage. One year ago I moved from Portland, Oregon to Northern California. Presently I am a single mother, making my way in Northern California and loving every minute of it!

The road has been extremely bumpy and continues to take twists and turns that sometimes leave me a bit nauseous. However, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when the days are long, and the girls are tired, and I’m looking at my pile of things to do thinking, how will that get done?… I give thanks for the abundance in my life and every single lesson that has brought me to now.

Where do I feel the most gratitude these days? I bow down and give thanks for my mother-in-law. Thirty days after my husband and I told everyone we were splitting up, my mother-in-law decided to move from North Dakota to Portland to be near her son. After years and years of begging her to move closer to her only grandchildren, I couldn’t believe this was happening. Why would she wait until now? What good was it going to do me, inquired my ego.

Fate would have it that just prior to her relocation, I was offered a job in San Francisco, California but I couldn’t take my daughters with me right away. They had to finish school. Guess who was going to be helping out with my daughters while I was away? My mother-in-law. At first the thought made me want to roll over and cry; cancel my trip; take the girls with me. But the funny thing is, I let go. I shut my ego up and said, let’s roll with this. Through clenched fists, gritted teeth and curse words when I was alone, I accepted that this was my greatest lesson: ultimate liberation from control.

You see, her and I never got along; ever. Fifteen years in a marriage and Jane and I never got along. We just tolerated each other. And here I was leaving my children under her care when my ex-husband couldn’t care for them.

What happened from the day I left was nothing short of astounding. I still get teary eyed when I think about it. My daughters got to experience the most amazing bond with their grandmother without me trying to butt into it. She drove them to school every single morning, picked them up almost every day, made Sloppy Joes on Wednesdays, took them to dance and went to every single soccer and volleyball game they played on the weekends.

My mother-in-law (who by the way raised her three, now grown boys on her own), got to be girlie for the first time in her life and experience girl drama just about every single day. When I told her how grateful I was for her and this gift, she admitted through tears, that this was the best gift I could have given her. She thanked me, after all those years, she thanked me.

When I let go, truly let go of it all, the grip we all had on what we were “supposed to be doing” dissolved. And from there, we were all able to see what was important, which was the girls and what example we were all setting for them about the dynamics in relationship.

I remember when I first heard that Jane was moving to be near us and I had to leave the room, hide in the bathroom and curse into the mirror with the door shut. Now, I am sending them off on a plane happily, to visit with their Nana because the joy that relationship brings to my heart is unparalleled to almost anything else in my life right about now.

Stepping onto our mats brings authenticity, truth and integrity into all relationships. Especially the ones we have with ourselves. The breath moves truth through us like a freight train and we can either get on board or try to stop the train with our ego. Personally I prefer getting on board. The healing that happens when we allow life to usher us forward is nothing short of a miracle. When we let go, we allow gratitude to bask over every experience and we see the light in it all. We may start out clenching our teeth or throwing a temper tantrum, but in the end, if we truly allow unconditional love in, everything flows to and from love. And that’s all you see… ever.

Gratitude and Graciousness

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