blog

May 16th, 2012

There And Back Again

by Eka Ekong

It’s 1998 for me. I know you’re looking at your calendar scratching your head. Yes, technically it is 2012, but sometimes we have to go backwards to move forward.

In the last 8 months, I’ve lost a parent and a grandparent, and have traveled the world to teach yoga. Though I had received an uppercut to the heart, I felt the need to keep moving, teaching, and exploring the frontiers outside of myself. I’ve been living the life of my dreams while enduring my worst nightmare. Now that I have finally been able to be still for more than 2 weeks in the same place (there really is no place like home), grief came rushing in like a tidal wave. I was swept up in the undertow, and left gasping for breath.

Humbly, I consider myself a dedicated yogi. I can quote the Sutras and the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. I’ve studied the requisite books (and then some). I’m initiated into a lineage, and have a consistent meditation practice. What a lot of these books don’t tell you is that loss and sadness are isolating. Just as being a yogi can be. People speak in platitudes and clichés, ignore you all together (keeping a safe, emotional distance), or think that because you are a yogi, you must have it all figured out (if they only knew). In this big, beautiful yoga world you will find many a great article on how to open your heart chakra or perfect your inversions, but not much guidance on what to do when your heart is breaking.

I did the only thing I thought I could do, I withdrew. I went into my cave, ignoring my work, my loved ones, my life. My sadness and regrets weighing heavy on my heart, I cried for what felt like a lifetime. I contemplated quitting teaching and moving away. I felt frozen like Arjuna on the battlefield in his chariot. Do I run, or do I stay and fight?

Rather than being swallowed by it, I decided to sit with my shadow, exploring my inner landscape like a new world. The difference now was I couldn’t hop on an airplane to escape. I had to face my past. I had to love myself - warts and all.

Eventually, I unrolled my Manduka. Not solely in my home, as I had been already doing daily, but taking group classes around the city. Just as Arjuna had Krishna, I had my practice (and some really amazing and patient people in my life). Slowly I’ve been coming back into the world, embracing asana like I did in the early years on my mat. I’m remembering the passion I had for my teaching and my work (Yes, Manduka ambassadors, I am back).

I had to face what was behind and within me to begin to move onwards on my path. Sometimes, I still feel the pull to retreat into my cave, but it's walls aren’t as suffocating as before. I know that I will fumble and stumble as I navigate this new terrain, but in meeting my darkness, I am remembering my light once again.


My Manduka helps me practice hope. What does your Manduka help you practice?

6 Response(s) to There and Back Again

On May 16th, 2012 at 11:07 am, lisa roman said:

The humble Yogi finds life, oozing from within the pomegratate just as glorious as suffering in ones heart. be well my long legged roo.

On May 17th, 2012 at 9:56 pm, Anamaya Yoga Retreats said:

Yes,we are not defeated when we lose,we defeated when we quit. You really proved it Eka. A lot of people find their inner peace through working with Anamaya Yoga here in Costa Rica.Thank for sharing.

On May 17th, 2012 at 9:59 pm, Anamaya Yoga Retreats said:

Yes,we are not defeated when we lose,we defeated when we quit. You really proved it Eka. A lot of people find their inner peace through working with Anamaya Yoga (www.anamayaresort.com) here in Costa Rica.Thank for sharing.

On May 17th, 2012 at 10:01 pm, Anamaya Yoga said:

Yes,we are not defeated when we lose,we defeated when we quit. You really proved it Eka. A lot of people find their inner peace through working with Anamaya Yoga (www.anamayaresort.com) here in Costa Rica.Thank for sharing

On November 20th, 2014 at 12:55 am, ninest123 said:


http://www.newbalanceshoes.in.net/
http://www.reebokoutlet.in.net/
http://www.lululemon-outlet.in.net/
http://www.cheapnfljersey-outlet.com/
http://www.rolex-replicawatches.us.com/
http://www.weddingdresses.in.net/
http://www.beatsbydrdre-headphones.in...
http://www.montblancpens.in.net/
http://www.ferragamo-shoes.in.net/
http://www.giuseppezanotti.in.net/
http://www.instylerionicstyler.us.com/
http://www.babylisspro.us.com/
http://www.marcjacobshandbags.in.net/
http://www.mcmhandbags.in.net/
http://www.chiflatiron.cn.com/
http://www.insanityworkouts.in.net/
http://www.ghd-hair-straighteners.co.uk/
http://www.bottegaveneta-handbagsoutl...
http://www.valentinoshoes.in.net/
http://www.herveleger.in.net/
http://www.asicso.com/
http://www.soccershoes.in.net/
http://www.soccerjerseys.in.net/
http://www.celinehandbags.in.net/
http://www.p90x-workout.us.com/
http://www.jimmychooshoes.in.net/
http://www.uggsoutletboots.in.net/
http://www.uggs-boots.in.net/
http://www.cheapuggboots.in.net/
http://www.cheap-uggs.in.net/
http://www.uggs-outlet.in.net/
http://www.bottes-uggpascher.fr/
http://www.ugg-pas-cher.fr/
http://www.uggboots-uggs.co.uk/
http://www.canadagoose.in.net/
http://www.canadagoose-jackets.in.net/
http://www.canadagooseoutlet.in.net/
http://www.canadagoose-jackets.ca/
http://www.doudoune-canadagoosepasche...
http://www.canadagoose.me.uk/
http://www.moncler--jackets.co.uk/
http://www.moncler-jackets.com/
http://www.monclerjacketsoutlet.in.net/
http://www.doudoune--moncler.fr/
http://www.hollister-clothing-store.com/
http://www.nike-airmax.nl/
http://www.baseballbats.in.net/
http://www.iphonecases.in.net/
http://www.timberlandboots.in.net/
http://www.moncler--outlet.it/
http://www.ugg-australia.it/
http://www.occhiali--oakley.it/
http://www.louboutinscarpe.it/
http://www.polo-ralphlauren.it/
http://www.abercrombie-hollister.it/
http://www.nike-air-max.it/
http://www.vans-scarpe.it/
http://www.converse-all-star.it/
http://www.borse-gucci.it/
http://www.ray--ban.it/
http://www.converse--shoes.com/
http://www.sac-lancelpascher.fr/
http://www.toms-shoes.in.net/
http://www.moncler-jacka.com/
http://www.parajumpers.in.net/
http://www.canadagoosejakkernorge.net/
http://www.canada--goose.se/
http://www.moncler-online-shop.de/
http://www.montrepas-cher.fr/
http://www.karenmillen--dresses.co.uk/
http://www.supra--shoes.com/
http://www.juicycoutureoutlet.jp.net/
http://www.juicycoutureoutlet.in.net/
http://coachofficialsite.blog.com/
http://www.cheap-weddingdresses.co.uk/

On December 20th, 2014 at 4:56 pm, guoguo said:

http://chanelbags.coloradosoapstone.com
http://www.dolcegabbana.us.com
http://timberlandoutlet.colegrovephot...
http://raybansunglasses.thedailysabs.com
http://cocochanel.coloradosoapstone.com
http://uggoutlet.uggaustralia.qc.com
http://www.hollisterkids.net
http://www.toms-shoes.cc
http://truereligionsale.colosseum-clu...
http://abercrombie.rekey-your-locks.com
http://www.northfacejacketsoutlet.us.com
http://toryburchoutlet.projectsouthom...
http://www.guccishoes.us.com
http://ralphlauren.josephsiri.com
http://www.canadagooseoutlet.name
http://www.jordan8.net
http://truereligionjeans.charleschin.com
http://www.coach-outlet.us.com
http://www.moncler-jackets.org
http://raybans.thedailysabs.com
http://raybanaviators.thedailysabs.com
http://burberryoutletonline.totalweal...
http://www.tomsshoes.name
http://www.supra-shoes.cc
http://timberlands.colegrovephotograp...
http://www.michaelkorsoutletsales.us.com
http://burberrysacrf.thewhimsicalsage...
http://www.tory-burch-outlet.eu.com
http://www.katespadeoutlet.eu.com
http://www.toryburch-outletonline.com.co
http://www.ray-bansunglasses.name
http://www.bottega-veneta.cc
http://www.raybansunglassesoutlet.name
http://www.holisterclothingstore.com
http://www.guessoutlet.org
http://timberland.fairskinmen.com
http://toryburchsale.projectsouthomah...
http://truereligionoutlet.colosseum-c...
http://www.rayban-sunglasses.eu.com
http://www.jimmy-choo.cc
http://burberryoutletonline.thewhimsi...
http://timberlandearthkeepers.thedail...
http://www.louisvuitton.us.com
http://www.versaceinc.us
http://www.hollister-co.net
http://tomspromocode.raleighdowntowne...
http://www.thenorthface.net.co
http://retro11.sellittodaywithebay.com
http://timberlandboots.fairskinmen.com
http://www.guccioutlet.net.co
http://www.hollisterclothing.info
http://www.monclerjacketsoutlet.us.com
http://www.ugg-boots.in.net
http://abercrombiestore.rekey-your-lo...
http://www.rolexwatchesoutlet.us
http://www.abercrombieandfitch.net.co
http://chanel.coloradosoapstone.com
http://www.abercrombieoutlet.name
http://www.hermes-birkin.us
http://www.canadagoose.com.co
http://www.raybans.name
http://www.abercrombieandfitch.cc
http://www.abercrombie-fitch.cc
http://lululemon.suleymanaltun.com
http://www.abercrombie.net.co
http://www.oakleysunglasses-wholesale...
http://chaneloutlet.coloradosoapstone...
http://canadagoosesale.pensacolacandl...
http://www.abercrombiestores.net
http://guccishoes.realestatecranbrook...
http://redbottomshoes.maximumguarante...
http://www.michael-korsoutlets.eu.com
http://toryburchoutletonline.projects...
http://toryburchshoes.projectsouthoma...
http://truereligion.colosseum-club.com
http://tomscanada.raleighdowntowner.co
http://imitationwatches.freebirdspubl...
http://chanelhandbags.milaneverett.com
http://truereligionkids.colosseum-clu...

Post A Comment:

 

*Required Fields